The Serenity Prayer January 27, 2010

It has hung on my wall as a child. But as an adult this became personal.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

For some reason it has always been more comfortable trying to change the things I cannot change. Partly because I know that this task is not possible and less chance of failure when the odds are already against me. Also because changing the things I can means the scary step of change.

To take it more personal, like today personal, what has really hit me hard is my mom’s death certificate in a file cabinet that belongs to me. Not a friend, not a coworker, not an acquaintance even. That is my file cabinet and the reality is mine to own. Most recently I have taken ownership of cards and notes from her funeral. These are in another drawer with some of my winter pajamas. Some days I just stare at it not ready to go there. The only time my hand does go there is when weather warrants it.

It has been 15 years almost since the loss of my lifetime. However, we all grieve differently. Right now I am in the process of mostly acceptance. Accepting the things I can’t change, for me at this very moment, is accepting a death certificate and funeral cards which are now a part of my future. I can’t change this thing that happened which forever wounded and left my soul empty.

Abandonment is an issue that seems to haunt me most days. But there is hope for a better tomorrow. Because God is on my side and with faith anything is possible. Today, I can change…have to think about that one. With a wisdom to know the difference an answer will come. In time.

If you are reading this, how are your prayers becoming personal?

Much love,

Tracie

Hope Never Dies April 4, 2009

This story has an inspiring message. He agreed to let me share it for the spread of awareness that Hope Never Dies. My hope for tonight at the benefit is deep connections and bonding memories with his friends and family.

“Words of expression can’t possibly begin to explain the true blessings of God’s Grace and the most recent support to my family and my situation. As expressed in the poem, this is my third diagnosis and I have been battling this awful disease on and off since my 27th birthday in 2001. First time around I was in such a state of shock for so long and when they told me to go home and write my will and enjoy the next couple months with my wife and daughter…devastation was all I could embrace. But through God’s Will and the support of the most loving group of family and friends that any person could possibly imagine, we overcame the odds and fought through all of the doubt. So lets jump ahead to 2009, we just bought a new home last April and finally have our kids settled into a normal routine and having fun like a normal family…when BAM! First its back, then its not operable, and finally at one time when a heart transplant was my worst-case scenario, here it appears, it has just become my best. So the fear, anger, doubt, and questions of faith all about consumed me. Then, incredibly, out of a tool like “Facebook” high school friends, who I had only recently re-connected with, started to rally with words of hope and inspiration. The next thing you know an event of 20-30 of close high school friends grew into a true network of compassion from people everywhere. I can honestly say, that this single, compassionate deed gave me the ability to see the light once again, to understand its not about the result, but the fight, journey, and battle along the way. Regardless of the ending, I want everyone to know how special each and everyone of your gestures, donations, and time means to my family and me. Although the financial contribution is great and we will humbly accept these gracious gifts and appreciate how they will allow for some additional comfort for what our future holds, the true gift in the benefit is an opportunity for not just my family and I to visit with everyone, but the great part is that everyone of you will be able to visit with each other as well. What a great moment… now different circumstances would have been nice, but most great things come out of difficult situations if you chose to accept the challenge. The true success of the benefit will be a group of friends, some close and some distant, but, nevertheless, a special group of people who chose to make a difference, who chose to share the gifts of life, and most of all for those who chose to show me a love that has always been such a special part of my life.”

All My Love, Alex

Going Beyond Superficial March 27, 2009

Disclaimer-I don’t claim to have it all together. My life is a journey with one goal to press on believing the God who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. I have to cling to knowing that my past had a reason and that my today will have an eternal impact. I could give you a list of people who might testify that I impacted them in a negative way. Yes, a list of people whom my words have wounded them. And I call myself a Christian. Well, actually I rarely call myself that. But it is my faith. It is what saved my soul from despair. Yet it didn’t make me to never fail. I know in my head the only perfection is in Jesus. Then there is the fear in my heart. A fear that has kept me from being real. The real where I literally go to the depths with others beyond superficial. Like not protecting myself by hiding behind my church mask. Here is the deal. For any reading this that might be afraid to go to church I understand that. There are a lot of things in the bible that I don’t always obey. If those like me who claim to be Christians obeyed more of how Jesus taught us to love one another, then I think you would be running to find that on Sunday morning. To every fear there is a flip side. I read in a book called The Papa Prayer that the flip side to fear is desire. I desire relationship, deep connection, and to be valued. You may desire these things or others unique to you. Only God can satisfy those. However, please note that God has loved on me through some amazing imperfect Christians after planting me in this foreign land of the south. Yet, even at church my fear of rejection keeps me from being my true self. And then the ugly cycle of protecting myself begins again. How about we put away our church masks and start walking this road together, not as perfect, but simply redeemed?

Quote of the Day March 13, 2009

It is defective oysters that produce the pearls.

This is the quote from my Journey of  Hope daily flip book.

It falls on my birthday May 16th.

And it speaks hope to my heart like you don’t even know.

Take My Hand March 12, 2009

For 6 months now I have wanted to speak words to describe all that my life has contained. Coming up with an honest answer as to why my absence here took half the time it has for me to voice it. There have been losses and let downs that have broken me to pieces. 2 years ago I claimed my passion as caring about people’s souls. I can’t find that passion in my heart anymore. There is so much I used to believe in. On many occasions recently I have gotten home from work and went into my room face and body on the floor crying out to God because I don’t want to lose my faith in Him. All I can think of to share now is a picture and what words come to mind when I see it in my head.

“Hand in hand we can do this together.”

Those are big words for a girl who still thinks I have to do life on my own.

What would my world be like if I would accept the invitation?

…Take my Hand

One Step Ahead January 17, 2009

This quote is what I desire to do and become. Not one step ahead of God but a follower guided by the rhythm of His grace.

“One of the most difficult tests of our faithfulness to God’s call comes when His timing of events does not correspond with our expectations. Many of us will give up and move on to a place or task where success comes easier and sooner. But a few will remain where God sent them-in spite of disappointment, suffering and lack of results. They will cling to His promises, learn endurance and, in His time, reap a mighty harvest.”

~K.P. Yohannan

1 Year November 12, 2008

Today is the day one year ago that I started my blog. It has been an adventure to say the least. Thank you to the dear people who have visited and commented. Love you all!

We Have a Choice November 11, 2008

Everyday living presents us with so many decisions to make.

What time will I get up?

What will I eat for breakfast?

Will I care about that person or shun them?

Will I answer that phone call?

Will I gossip or keep my mouth shut?

What will I have for lunch?

Where will I go for the cheapest gas?

Will I go to church this Sunday?

Will I forgive that person?

Will I keep my word?

Will I say no because I need to say no?

Will I do what is right even when no one is looking?

What will I have for dinner?

Will I call that person I have been meaning to call?

Will I spend more time with God than I am spending on this computer?

Will I take care of my body by not drinking and eating that which is not good for me?

What time will I go to bed?

Will I admit when I am wrong?

Will I ask for help and silence my pride?

Make myself look good or bring glory to God?

To name a few.

…

Going deeper into all these decisions is a most interesting perspective for the Christian today.  Do a heart motive check with this question:

Will I live to impress people and gain popularity, or will I live a Christ-centered life and make an impact for eternity?

Name That Tune? October 31, 2008

What if I didn’t have to work M-F 8-5?

Then I would be watching this.

Their entertaining banter is priceless.

Did you catch what happened?

Poor Regis must have ate some musical fruit for breakfast.

Prayer Works October 30, 2008

Speaking of attitude…

Hers is more positive than mine.

And she has cancer.

BUT the cancer does not have her.

One day I called her in attempt to cheer her up however it was the other way around.

This is what words came out from a young woman who I consider a friend:

“The bible is our medicine. You know how when you take medicine you have to take it everyday for it to work. That is the same with God’s word. It will heal if we take it in everyday.”

She sent me this card

Her faith is strong. If you are reading this please pray for Margie. It delights her to hear that people are praying for her. She is believing for the perfect outcome.