So, I have been itching to start blogging for some time now. I had some hesitancy because I was not sure who would read it. But I think I am really supposed to start doing this… and it cracked me up when I went on to the home page for this and it said “express yourself.” My mom was all about me doing that growing up, but I was too afraid. So I have all these ideas of how I am going to share my heart on this. I fear no one will read it because I am not popular, not the one who stands out in the crowd, not the one people gravitate to for a great story. Is what I say really that cool? BUT the awesome thing is that I came onto this blog believing what I have to say is important and I hope there will be people who read my stories. One of my goals for this blog is to show people my lighter, creative side… yes I have one… did you know I was funny? Yeah I did not either until recently. God has been showing me who I am in Jesus and who I am NOT. Wow that is the best feeling in the world for me! So yes I am funny… not like telling funny stories… I can tell short funny stories, but I have great one liners that make people laugh and I love it!
I titled my blog something to say because for most of my life I have been in a shell, afraid to talk, and a lot of it was lies I was told in my childhood. I was told I was shy, I needed to talk more and I guess I felt I just couldn’t measure up so I became what they said.
My mom is what I was trying to measure up to because I was compared to her so much. She was the life of the party and she talked for me… she did all the talking for me. That was a big revelation for me a couple of years ago.
When I was a child I had several ear infections and developed scar tissue. During one of my reconstructive ear surgeries they found growth (non-cancerous) on my left ear drum. They had to remove the bone- ear drum and I have a prosthesis in that ear. My hearing loss has been a huge insecurity for me. In large groups I can’t hear all the words people are saying and it makes it hard for me to join in. It really is sad when I miss out on the jokes and they are no fun when have to be repeated. But as a child this was one of the reasons I didn’t talk or join in the conversation. One on one conversations were always easier for me with my hearing loss. And when a word I said came out incorrectly it was not as embarrassing if only one person heard it.
I have been on a journey practicing talking which for extroverts that is maybe hard to believe. I really hate meaningless words but they have come out of my mouth as I really have to say “Tracie talk… just do it…” when I am in a crowd of people or with someone who talks a lot. And I am going to reveal that people who talk too much and don’t let others get a word in annoy me.
As I said above I am not popular, or a story teller, or the life of a crowd, but here is what I am… I am someone who has a deep relationship with the Lord. He has given me a gift of seeing beyond the surface. I have a lot of wisdom and perspective into the hearts of people and myself. When I talk it is mostly deep and encouraging. Oh and did I tell you I found out I was funny? So because of this I started a blog to reveal to you about myself and life. I hope you will listen because I have…
“Something to Say”…
