Disclaimer-I don’t claim to have it all together. My life is a journey with one goal to press on believing the God who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. I have to cling to knowing that my past had a reason and that my today will have an eternal impact. I could give you a list of people who might testify that I impacted them in a negative way. Yes, a list of people whom my words have wounded them. And I call myself a Christian. Well, actually I rarely call myself that. But it is my faith. It is what saved my soul from despair. Yet it didn’t make me to never fail. I know in my head the only perfection is in Jesus. Then there is the fear in my heart. A fear that has kept me from being real. The real where I literally go to the depths with others beyond superficial. Like not protecting myself by hiding behind my church mask. Here is the deal. For any reading this that might be afraid to go to church I understand that. There are a lot of things in the bible that I don’t always obey. If those like me who claim to be Christians obeyed more of how Jesus taught us to love one another, then I think you would be running to find that on Sunday morning. To every fear there is a flip side. I read in a book called The Papa Prayer that the flip side to fear is desire. I desire relationship, deep connection, and to be valued. You may desire these things or others unique to you. Only God can satisfy those. However, please note that God has loved on me through some amazing imperfect Christians after planting me in this foreign land of the south. Yet, even at church my fear of rejection keeps me from being my true self. And then the ugly cycle of protecting myself begins again. How about we put away our church masks and start walking this road together, not as perfect, but simply redeemed?
Our Song October 29, 2008
I think this is mine and God’s song.
Because there was this moment. A friend from the 4th grade found me on Myspace. For all these years she was wondering about my heart and praying. That seemed unreal. Yet it is not. God is real and cares about me. He has been working and moving in my life when I didn’t even know it. Wow. All I could think of was you dance over me while I am unaware, you sing all around but I never hear the sound, Lord I’m amazed by you. The song played over and over in my head that Sunday morning. I was floored to hear it sung at church by the praise band and I wept and wept. Since then God has shown me how special I am through her. Taste and see that the Lord is good. I have tasted that through my friendship with Monica. God works in mysterious ways which keep me Amazed. How about you?
Do You Believe That? October 12, 2008
At my church I know a girl who sings out of the depths of her heart. She can bring people to the throne of God with her voice in zero to 60 seconds. But my favorite thing is when I hear from her, after a lyric or two, “Do you believe that?” There is a song called Blessed be Your Name. The words are from the book of Job. One day during worship as I was singing “He gives and takes away” it hit me. Am I okay with the fact God takes away? No I did not believe that it was okay God takes away. Now, there is a moment of surrender and sometimes tears when I sing the rest of the song-My heart will choose to say blessed be your name. What are the words to your song? And do you believe them from your heart? That is music to God’s ears. Even if you, like me, are not gifted with vocal talent. Below is a scene from the movie Walk the Line.
Laura Story October 5, 2008
I got to meet her yesterday. “Everyone needs compassion”… she extends it that which comes from the depths of her heart. Sometimes in the darkest and weary moments of our faith journey God presents us with a story, a story that makes us think and say “If they can endure, then I can endure too.” Laura’s story does just that.
And her husband is right by her side. Their story is powerful. He and I worked Laura’s merchandise table at the Way Radio Beach Concert. The sun was beating on me all day and people were commenting about that. But what they did not know and what I tried to convey is that my soul was being fed. Being at the merchandise table was being in my element. Helping people, selling music that I personally love and believe in, music that feeds the soul spiritually, helping her husband, and helping Laura. Oh my gosh it was an amazing experience!
Want to know more about Laura Story? Click on her name:
I got a picture with her…Woo Hoo!
Her music radiates the beauty of God in her.
Kavah September 15, 2008
I learned a new word last week. It’s right where my heart is. Kavah means waiting in a sense of NOT doing it alone. The visual for this representation was given to me as a Rope, a weaving of the Lord’s strength with mine. Now I see waiting in a whole different way thanks to the AMAZING vessel God has put in my life to plant these words in me. I AM NOT ALONE. I feel like Meredith Andrews is singing my life song. So then how many times did I listen to it this weekend? Oh a zillion probably.
